"Relation-Ships"

Dear Meditators
 
Over a lifetime we encounter many different kinds of relationships.  With families, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues etc.  Each relationship has many layers according to how much attention and time we give them and how many connections we make with those relationships.  Some of the relationships are the loving kind, the intimate kind, the kind that are long lasting and some short lasting, the kind you talk to about the weather with and don’t give much information away about yourself. 
 
Then there is the angry, destructive relationship’s, the kind that leave you with a lot of stress in the nervous system.   The kind we may hang on to because of the experiences we have had or the connections that still bind us to the past.  These emotions and feelings can keep us stuck in the past and stuck somewhere within those relationship layers of stress.  As my teacher Thom Knoles says we are on the “Relation- Ship”.  Sometimes they are rocky and stormy, other times they are smooth sailing.
 
When negative emotions and feelings from relationships come to the surface we have a choice to either ignore them and put them away for another time or to cut through the layers of the emotions to understand ourselves and the other person better.  We can always choose to make a start by placing our attention on the relationship and by not ignoring the truth.
 
If a relationship is meant to evolve and not end then it can go in many different directions but it must evolve in "Love" and not in suffering to survive.  Love is surrendering our preferences so that we have shared experiences.  We set ourselves and the other person free of suffering in order to come back to Love and Unity again and again.
 
Every day in our meditation we have an opportunity to go within. To allow change to begin.  To improve and change our reactions and behaviours within our relationships, to make them stronger and more loving.   We can choose to let go of the need to continue with the suffering. Take a break from the chatter of the mind and allow the peace and quiet to come in.   Within every layer of a relationship and at the heart and basis of everything we do is LOVE.  Love yourself first and this will be at the very core of your essence – Being.

See every opportunity to turn energy coming from us into Love.  When we choose Love consciously it multiplies and grows, we feel energized by it.
      
Until next time...  Be the radiating light of Love for all the world to see.  

Learning from our Mistakes

Learning from our Mistakes

If you can learn from your mistakes, then you have already transformed the garbage into a flower, for your own joy, for the joy of your ancestors, for the joy of the future generations, and also for the joy of the person who was the victim of your ignorance and your lack of skilfulness. Very often we have done that out of our un-skilfulness, not because we wanted to harm that person, or we wanted to destroy the person, or because we wanted him or her to suffer. We were unskilful, that is all. I always like to think of our behaviour in terms of it being more or less skilful, rather than in terms of good and evil. If you are skilful, you can avoid making yourself suffer, and making the other person suffer. If there is something you want to tell the other person, then yes, you have to tell it. But there are other ways to say it that would not make the other person suffer, and yourself suffer also. So, the problem is not whether to tell or not to tell what you have in your heart, the problem is how to tell it so that suffering will not be there. That is why this is a matter of art, and of our practice also. 

-Thich Nat Hanh
 

We all make mistakes, it doesn’t feel good, but it can be the very thing that helps us grow and to change.  We don’t have to overthink things or fill our heads with stories of - he said she said.   Once we acknowledge our mistake and take responsibility for them, our thought patterns change, we become more self-aware. 

Mistakes can be our best Teachers and so are the people around us when we're faced with handling conflicts and difficult situations.  It’s not easy to admit when we are wrong, but these are the moments to change our thinking and not to ignore them. When someone presses my buttons and I react, I open myself up to suffering.  How I react in these situations is of great importance to my learning and personal growth.

It’s easier to blame the other person and to be self-righteous rather than admitting I am wrong.  Sometimes it’s easier not to speak and to let the other person have their own way, but then I may suffer in silence - this can cause resentment, anger and health problems. Sometimes we just let off steam, then think about it later.  We are always "wiser in hindsight", it's a good saying and another opportunity to learn from our mistakes.  

When I calm down after a confrontation I can asked myself - what just happened, why am I still suffering?  The answers will become clearer. Either I have made a mistake or the other person may have been reporting on their own state of consciousness and it wasn’t really about me anyway.   Communication, compassion and understanding with ourselves and with the other person at these times will strengthen relationships and bring insight into your own personal growth. 
 
The importance of managing our own behaviour and learning from our mistakes is paramount to raising our consciousness.  Our twice daily meditation releases the stress in order to make space inside so that we can recognise and learn from our mistakes and deal with whatever situations that come up.  When we create peace and harmony within ourselves everything flows easily, we feel happy and contented.

Until next time...
Liz